You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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