no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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