she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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