How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize