I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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