My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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