I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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