can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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