I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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