Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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