I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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