Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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