just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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