I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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