he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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