After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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