if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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