I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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