I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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