She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize