You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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