i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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