last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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