Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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