We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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