Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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