I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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