Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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