The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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