Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize