Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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