I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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