I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize