Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize