you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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