I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize