I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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