i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize