Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize