My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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