i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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