remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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