she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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