im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize