What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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