sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize