I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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