I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We were destined to go to rehab together
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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