I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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