after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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